The article is developed in partnership with BetterHelp.
Life is long and many of us may experience a variety of romantic relationships throughout our life. Even when it’s not necessarily in our best interest, we tend to have a habit of comparing. Maybe your current relationship feels like it lacks the spark of an earlier one, or vice versa.
This kind of comparing, or perhaps frustration in general with your love life, may lead you to ask yourself these sorts of questions: “Is there such a thing as true love?” or “Does true love exist?”
The short answer is yes, absolutely.
But the longer answer is that it’s complicated, and trying to define true love can get tricky fast.
So, what does true love mean? How can we know when it’s true love? Is it something reserved for Hollywood rom-coms and romance novels?
If you’re asking yourself these kinds of questions, you’re in luck because this article is going to take a deep dive into the discourse around “true love” and whether or not it’s a legitimate phenomenon. This will help you understand if it’s something you’re experiencing – or have experienced – yourself.
Defining “True Love”
For the sake of this article, let’s go ahead and say that true love really exists. After all, it would be a sad world indeed if true love wasn’t at the very least a possibility.
True love may not resemble something out of romance novels or romantic comedies or love poetry or love songs, but that doesn’t make it any less legitimate.
In fact, a key word for defining true love is authenticity. True love may be messy, it may be chaotic, it may—and probably will—have its ups and downs, and that’s okay. True love bends but doesn’t break, to paraphrase Shakespeare (more on that later).
Ultimately, the test of true love is that it lasts. It’s a bond that is generally only broken by circumstances beyond our control, such as illness or an accident or the natural cycle of life and death.
True Love Signs
So, is it love? Is it lust? Will I find true love someday?
Such questions tend to haunt all of us as we dive into the often-messy world of romantic relationships.
Fortunately, in addition to this article, there are many helpful resources available when you find yourself asking yourself the difficult questions about love: https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/love/
Now, read on to learn about some of the key signs that may indicate when it’s “true love.”
Authenticity
As written above, authenticity is key to true love. After all, how can it be true love if it isn’t real?
Two people who have formed a true love bond will not feel suffocated or trapped. They allow each other the time and space to be themselves. Sure, they should help one another to be their best self, but they do not try to control and shape this person. They love each other for who they are, and they know that it’s best to be their authentic selves.
Together, two authentic selves can live in greater harmony than when there is compromise and inauthenticity. They allow each other to be themselves while also simultaneously functioning as an organic whole.
Chemistry
Chemistry, or compatibility, is vital to true love. How well do you fit together? Do you share the same humor? Do you share the same vision of the world?
Now, there’s a common misconception about chemistry. Many people think that it means “sameness.” That isn’t necessarily the case, however! Many people’s compatibility lies in complementarity, which is what you have in the situation of “opposites attract.”
These are simplifications, as chemistry is a complex thing. Ultimately, however, you need some degree of sameness and complementarity in order to “fit” together and nourish a true love bond.
Perseverance
In the same sonnet as cited above, Shakespeare wrote that “Love is not love which alters when alteration finds.” In other words, love perseveres. It doesn’t matter if there are external forces weighing on it, it knows what it is and stays resilient.
While conflict is inescapable with any couple, a true love bond will always beat off any conflict to live another day. Adversity isn’t something to be feared; rather, it only strengthens the couple’s bond. Conflict management is essential for a true love bond to form and endure.
Commitment
Commitment is integral for the success of any relationship. If two people are not fully committed to one another, it leaves ample room for lapses like infidelity, lying, misuse of shared finances, etc. Of course, these generally lead to heartbreak and are entirely absent from a true love bond.
There’s a genuine comfort in knowing that you’ve established a bond that’s built to last, and an open commitment to one another will enable you to grow your love in perpetuity.
Faith
Faith, or, put with a less spiritual connotation, trust, nourishes every relationship. After all, if you can’t trust one another, or have faith in one another’s commitment (see above), how can it be true love?
Mutual trust, just as with mutual commitment, is an essential aspect of true love. By having faith in one another’s personal journey and in one another’s vision of your shared future, you open yourself up to the kind of relationship that lasts for life.
Conclusion
Why are we all so curious about true love? Sometimes, it may seem like something magical, even too good to be true.
And yes, true love is rare. That’s what makes it special! If true love was easy to find, it wouldn’t be nearly as amazing when it does happen.
Unfortunately, many people will never experience true love, and that’s just the cold, hard reality. Nonetheless, it’s more common than you might think.
Indeed, true love isn’t just the product of movies and myths. It’s right in front of you, if only you stop and start paying attention. It’s that old couple at the restaurant who have been going there once a week for fifty years. It’s parents holding their newborn baby.
True love takes quite a lot. It takes authenticity, commitment, trust, time, and a great deal of effort. But when these things come together, they create a powerful bond that you can reasonably call “true love.”
