This article was developed via a partnership with BetterHelp.
Just about every couple goes through intimacy issues at one point or another in their relationship.
There are tons of different reasons why these issues can crop up, and they can happen to all kinds of couples, whether they have been together for twenty years or twenty days. If this is you, don’t worry! You are far from being alone in this situation.
And while intimacy issues may feel impossible to solve, there’s usually a solution. Many couples have confronted their intimacy issues, and you can too.
This article will cover both some of the common sources of intimacy issues as well as what you can do to actively work on them. After all, being proactive is key!
Where Do Intimacy Issues Come From?
If you’re already here reading this, you’re likely aware that there is some problem (or problems) with the intimacy in your partnership. Recognizing that is a key first step.
If you only have a vague idea of what’s truly causing the issues, however, you will have a much harder time working through them.
So, read on to learn more about common reasons for the development and perpetuation of intimacy issues so you can get down to the root of what’s going on while many of the biggest and most common sources are named below, it would be impossible to make a definitive list. As such, you may very well be dealing with another source of your intimacy issues.
Sexual Incompatibility
One common source of intimacy issues involves what goes on in the bedroom. For example, if you are not sexually compatible, or struggling to be so, then it will be much harder to attain the level of intimacy that you may desire.
As many people do not often discuss sexual issues, this one may fly under the radar. In any case, it is almost certain to cause intimacy issues.
Trust Issues
Trust issues are common in relationships. Ideally, this falls away as the years pass, but infidelity—or just suspicions of infidelity—and other behaviors can cause trust issues to arise no matter how old the relationship is.
Unfortunately, trust issues will generally result in intimacy issues. After all, intimacy requires a strong bond and both partners need to feel safe. No one wants to feel like they’re being taken advantage of.
Possible reasons for trust issues may include lying, a traumatic past, or misuse of shared finances. Whatever the source of the trust issues is, however, it’s likely to negatively affect your intimacy.
Infidelity
Infidelity is commonly known for breaking up relationships. But what about when the two partners stay together? It can be incredibly damaging for intimacy.
Keep in mind that infidelity, or “cheating,” is not limited only to physical, i.e. in-person, liaisons. In the age of the internet, there is such a thing as digital infidelity as well.
The one good thing is that infidelity is generally an obvious cause of intimacy issues, so it shouldn’t be too hard to realize that.
Can Intimacy Issues Be Solved?
Intimacy issues may be tough, but they can also be solved in nearly all cases! You will need to identify the problem, however, and then be proactive.
Fortunately, there are also many helpful resources available online nowadays when it comes to intimacy issues: https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/intimacy/
Now, here are some helpful tips for helping you work on your intimacy issues, no matter what their source may be.
Get to the Root of the Issue
It can take time and effort to stop and get down to the root of your intimacy issues. If you never do so, it’s much harder to properly solve them.
You can consider the three common sources above as a start, but it may very well be something else that’s causing your intimacy issues. You may need to seek the help of others, including your partner, in getting down to the bottom of it.
Take Your Time
As much as we might be frustrated with our intimacy issues, trying to force the issue will pretty much never work. You can’t rush your way through intimacy issues, especially when there may be trauma involved, such as infidelity or childhood abuse.
By taking your time, you can make sure that everyone is comfortable. Be patient and try taking things one thing at a time. For example, you could simply hold hands or give a neck and shoulder rub rather than aiming to get right into the bedroom.
Do Something Fun
As we settle into our relationships, we often get into an everyday routine that can be—quite frankly—rather boring. If your intimacy issues are not improving, and you’re sticking to the same old stuff every day, it may be a big help to shake things up.
By doing something fun together—it should be something you both enjoy—you’ll be much more likely to rekindle that spark that’s so necessary for proper intimacy.
Get Help!
Sometimes in life, we simply need the help of others, and it’s a strength—not a weakness—to recognize that. If your intimacy issues are particularly severe, then you may want to consider the help of a licensed counselor.
While individual therapy may very well be beneficial, couple’s counseling would make the most sense. As with intimacy itself, however, you can’t force the issue. Your partner will need to be a willing participant for it to work effectively.
Conclusion
You may feel like your romantic life is dead and gone when facing intimacy issues. This may especially be the case if you’re already in a marriage. You may feel like you’re trapped and you have nowhere to go, and nothing will ever change.
Try your best not to despair! Oftentimes when there’s a problem, there’s also a path towards a solution. Start by trying to understand the root of the issue, then be proactive in trying to fix it.
And if you need help with either of these steps, don’t hesitate to get it. Intimacy is crucial for almost all successful long-term relationship, so you don’t want to leave this languishing away at the bottom of your to-do list.
Also Read: Warning Signs of Childhood Sexual Abuse
